Don't "Drop In"

I’ve been feeling a little guilty for the past couple of days. Guilty because I don’t like to have "drop-in" company. Guilty because I didn’t get to see my relatives. Guilty because some things are just too deeply embedded in my brain to “get over”.

To hell with that. Want to know why? Because I’m exhausted. And I hurt all over.

I would love for this blog to be all cheery, with uplifting thoughts and kind words, and smiley faces pasted all over, but life just ain’t like that all the time when you have Fibromyalgia or Osteoarthritis. Having both is exasperating for someone who has always pushed through whatever – and everything.

I’m a reforming type-A personality. That means “in the process of change”. I have a long way to go. And some things just ain't gonna change.

Only another person who has to deal with extreme fatigue and un-ending pain can truly understand.

From the time I was a little kid, I swore that when I had a home of my own it would be clean. I’m not talking about corners that have been scrubbed clean with a toothbrush. I’m just saying that it should be tidy and neat, with things where they are supposed to be, floors that look like they’ve been swept/mopped/vacuumed recently. Furniture that has been dusted. Clean toilets.

I won’t go into the why of this, but I can assure you that IT is deeply rooted in my psyche from the deep humiliation I felt every time someone showed up at my childhood home.

Because I have mobility issues and must use a wheelchair part of the time, vacuuming and dusting my 2300 square foot house takes a whole day. Changing the linens on the guest beds and washing same takes at least half a day. Washing windows (on the inside only - because my hands don’t work well enough to open them to wash them on the outside – from the inside) takes half a day.

I must get to the grocery store early enough in the day and during the week to be able to snag a handicapped parking spot and motorized cart. That means that I also get home with the goods long before hubby is off work – meaning that I then have to off-load the groceries and carry them into the house. Again, mobility issues make this a long process.

After tossing what must go into the freezer or refrigerator into available spots, I must rest before putting the remainder of the groceries and household goods away. I do not have the energy to fix a big meal for extra mouths or to load or unload the dishwasher, to set the table, to entertain.

I also don’t have the energy or mobility to scrub toilets/tubs, or to do extra laundry, or to mop floors. Some things just don’t get done on time, every time. I'm learning to live with that. But it's not something I wish to impose on others.

Because I have advanced OA throughout my spine, OA in both hips and both knees, chronic bursitis in both hips and one shoulder, obstructive sleep apnea (which means I don’t rest/sleep), restless leg syndrome (which means I don’t rest/sleep), a full-fledged symphony-in-stereo-with-surround-sound tinnitus in both ears 24/7, near-deafness in one ear from chronic infections and meningitis/mastoiditis, irritable bowel syndrome (which means I spend much time in the bathroom), COPD from chronic bronchitis and several bouts of pneumonia - HELL YES, I want advance notice before having a house full of company.

Sure, I could hire someone to come in to clean. I could do that if we didn’t have to spend so much on medications for me. We have insurance, great insurance, but we have a huge deductible. We also must plan and save for our “senior” years – which aren’t that far off.

When the kids and grandkidlets are here, everyone pitches in to help out. Jeremy (19) has been cooking with me since he was 2. Nick (13) loves helping out in the kitchen. Jeffrey, our son-in-law, is a great cook who will step in to help with anything. Daughter can’t cook – and CAN burn water even if we’ve been told that is scientifically impossible – helps with everything else. Son, when he’s home, also helps. The younger grandkidlets don’t even complain when it’s time to pick up toys or to put away games.

But these are my kids and grandkidlets. They understand that I can’t do it all anymore. Even Jacob (4) tries to push Grandma’s wheelchair when I can’t walk anymore because my hips have locked up.

It’s different, at least I think so, when there are real GUESTS in the house. I’d never think to ask them to mop a floor or clean a toilet or fold laundry. I was taught that by my grandparents, especially Grandma Ruth Kramer, who was the epitome of the perfect hostess. She was the diva of entertaining long before anyone had ever heard of Martha Stewart. She taught me well.

And so it is that I want my home to be ready for company. I want to not be exhausted from a trip to the grocery. I want time to plan meals to see what I can cook ahead of time to reserve energy for visiting.

I work from home. Sometimes my office gets messy. (Hubby’s is eternally messy.) He doesn’t touch my desk and I don’t touch his. It’s a mutual respect thing.

Hell, YES, I want to know when company will be here. If anyone has a problem with that, too bad. Please call before “dropping in”. Please give me at least two days notice if you’re planning an extended stay. I’ll do the same for you.

I’m done feeling guilty about this.

An update to Yada, Yada, Yada

I've been fighting extreme fatigue today. Actually, for several days. Part of it is hubby's weird work schedule, but part of it is just the pain level wearing me out.

An update: heard from my cousins today. They called from "somewhere in Ohio" to tell me there had been a change of plans so they weren't going to be able to come by for a visit this trip. Can't help but wonder if they read yesterday's post ...

Anyway, I was genuinely looking forward to visiting with them and to having them share a meal or two with us. I'm sorry they won't be stopping here on their way through. It will be at least a whole year before the WA portion of the family is here again. I've grown quite fond of the Griffith clan.

Unfortunately, as I was afraid would happen, if they had been planning to stop, this afternoon's phone call would have been my first notice that they were in town.

Perhaps it's better this way. I'm so tired I can barely hold my head up, so will be making this short.

I've signed up to work on Karina Fabian's Leap of Faith virtual blog tour happening later this year. Writing is an important part of my life and helping my fellow writers is part of the deal we all signed on for. More about that later.

I'm thinking all those clothes hubby folded yesterday, that are now on our bed, will be stacked to be put away tomorrow.

Yada yada yada

I didn't blog here this weekend because I couldn't get in. That 404 Error Not Found message just caused more stress than I thought I could handle. I also didn't Twitter for much the same reason, although Twitter doesn't 404 at will.

Went over to the neighbor's yesterday with my John Deere riding mower and trailer and brought back another 4 5-gallon buckets of pears. Even after several others have been there to harvest what is on the ground from the storm, there must be 40 bushels of apples and another 40 bushels of pears right there for the taking. It's sad to watch it go to waste, although the other neighbor's church members are supposed to be here today to get apples for their applesauce festival. The pears I harvested are laid out on a piece of plywood to ripen.

I also managed to harvest the chives that were in the front flower bed and they are now in the dehydrator. Note to self: post drawings and instructions for building this dehydrator that works so well.

Took a 2 hour nap because everything that didn't hurt wasn't working.

Hubby planted most of the plants we got from another Freecycler, but he was so tired from the extended double-shift workweek that his knee gave out before he could get it all planted. My husband is a wonderful man who has just enough aches and pains (with an artificial knee from '68) to understand my inability to work through the pain only too often. He did, however, re-lay the black plastic in the back flower bed that Ike tore up last Sunday.

Still don't know if my grandpa's cousins will be here this week. Even though I've retired from working a corporate job, I still work from home - and more hours than an employee would - I still fail to understand why retired folks think everyone should just drop what they're doing to do something else because TA-DA WE'RE HEEEERRRRE. I love my relatives, but ...

Ann Landers often wrote of her feelings about drop-in company and I feel the same way. Many years ago I got so fed up with drop-ins that I posted a "QUARANTINED!" sign in the front year. My former husband made me take it down saying the neighbors would have me committed. Oh well, it worked for awhile.

We're slowly accumulating glass for our to-be-extended porch/outdoor room and greenhouse via Freecycle. Freecycle is such a wonderful organization! It keeps millions of tons of reusable goods out of the landfills and helps save money for the recipients, all while helping others get rid of what they no longer need.

I have a pot of black beans and de-fatted ham hocks in the slow cooker. We don't really like them, but eat them because they are so good for us. It's all about fiber at our ages.

My friend, funny-man Horace J. Digby, is on vacation in Italy. He's been sending very short snippets via email. Actually, he's sent two. In the first, he and his wife Sharon were in Genoa. The second let me know that as they were re-boarding their water taxi in Portofino - which just happened to be moored next to the Dolce and Gabbana yacht - Mark Anthony and his lovely wife Jennifer Lopez were debarking the yacht.

My response? "I surely hope you aren't running around Italy dressed in black socks with sandals, plaid shorts, and a fanny pack if you're going to 'run into' such notables." Haven't gotten a response to that. Will keep you abreast of happenings there. Should also mention that Horace and I have been friends since I was 5 and he was six. He was an 'older man' then - and I tell him often that he still IS.

Okay, need to get back to real work. Will be updating Linda's Gifts and Decor today with new sale items. You can also keep up with that at my website.

Which means that I'll also be updating my website, which is never-ending.

My friend and pen pal Teddy, in Poland, has only received a few autographed books. He's desperately trying to build a library there and needs help. If you have any books you no longer need, please send them to him. If you're an author, please autograph a few books and send them to him. His address is on the "In the Showcase" page of my website.

I've opened a Cafe for Non-Fiction Writers at Savor the Success. We now have about 9 members who are working hard to make their writing careers soar. We don't inundate one another with emails either. Guess it's the "like-minded" thing at work.

Okay, back to business. I'll keep going today until going nose-down. It's the resolve that keeps us all going.

Over-doing by the over-achiever

I didn't journal here yesterday. In fact, other than fix a couple of simple meals for hubby, I didn't do much of anything yesterday. The "why" is simple. I overdid everything the day before.

We're still involved in storm cleanup here in Ohio. I've also been busy trying to find homes for about 500 pounds of apples and not-yet-ripe pears that are on the ground. I'm sure the neighbors to the east thought I was exaggerating when I told them to please take what they wanted. They were out there yesterday with milk crates loading up pears to lay out in their basement to ripen.

It also doesn't help that hubby has been working double shifts, which means that he isn't home at night, which means that I don't sleep much at all. (He's in the guest room now trying to take a nap. Why the guest room? Because he sleeps better when the TV is on. I've never been able to understand that, and so after many years of exasperation on my part, TV has been officially banned from our bedroom.)

Today is starting out better pain-wise than yesterday did, so I'm off to finish up a few things in the living room, dining room, kitchen - and THEN my office. Hopefully, yesterday's pain level will keep me honest about over-doing today.

Maxine as President Would Reduce My Stress!

Sometimes I think Maxine should run for president -- she's usually right on with ways to solve problems.

Here's what she has to say on some topical issues:



Everyone concentrates on the problems we're having in this country lately -- illegal immigration, hurricane recovery, alligators attacking people in Florida ..

... not me -- I concentrate on solutions for the problems -- it's a win-win situation.

* Dig a moat the length of the Mexican border.
* Send the dirt to New Orleans to raise the leve l of the levees.
* Put the Florida alligators in the moat along the Mexican border.

Any other problems you would like for me to solve today? Yes!

Think about this:
1. Cows
2. The Constitution
3. The Ten Commandments

COWS
Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that during the mad cow epidemic our government could track a single cow, born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she slept in the state of Washington? And, they tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around our country. Maybe we should give each of them a cow.

THE CONSTITUTION
They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq .... why don't we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it has worked for over 200 years, and we're not using it anymore.

THE 10 COMMANDMENTS
The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments posted in a courthouse is this -- you cannot post 'Thou Shalt Not Steal' 'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery' and 'Thou Shall Not Lie' in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians ... it creates a hostile work environment.

Also, think about this ... if you don't want to forward this for fear of offending someone -- YOU ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM!

It is time for America to speak up!

Yep, I passed it on!

Big Storm, Big Stress

We were without power for 20 hours due to the remnants of Ike. Hard to believe that a hurricane that swiped hard at Haiti and then veered left to cause great destruction to the coast of Texas, could cause so much damage in Kentucky and Ohio.

There are still nearly half a million homes in Ohio without power two days after the storm hit - and many won't have electricity again until the end of the week - or later. Many schools are closed. Many roads are impassable.

Hubby isn't even growling about not having cable. He's been too busy cutting up the tree that fell on his big red truck.

Why is all this info showing up on a blog about Fibromyalgia? Because big storms cause big stress. And stress sends Fibro into overdrive.

We watched, Sunday afternoon, as the wind began to nip and tear at the roofs on our sheds. I headed inside to stow away water for drinking. We're on a well, so no electricity means no water.

Hubby was alone on the back porch when the only tree in our parking area, in slow motion, tore away from the ground and fell directly onto the side of his truck. Big stress.

The tree lodged one bough straight into the ground while another stood in the middle of the truck bed. He was able to turn the truck slightly and drive out from under the tree with only a couple of small scratches on the side and a big glob of pitch on the cab.

We were thankful the tree had been lush with pine needles. We felt blessed. The storm finally died down and we went to bed.

Sleep usually helps ease Fibro. It would have been wonderful to sleep half of Monday but ... I had an article due an editor. An article that required electricity to finish and to email. We rode to hubby's jobsite together, where he has a generator because temporary power hasn't yet been hooked up. Made my deadline. Barely.

Then we were able to get through to our daughter and son-in-law in Louisville. Their power had been restored but they were missing parts of the roofs on their house and a rental house, and the top of a tree in their back yard had plummeted to hit Jeff's new closed trailer that he uses to haul wood, kid's camping gear, and essentially everything but the kids, the dogs, and/or the goats.

Damaged stuff, but our family is safe. Much stress relieved.

I'm feeling every knotted muscle, nerve, joint, and tendon. My skin hurts. My hair hurts. It's the initial reaction to stress that does the most damage to Fibro sufferers.

My Chair and Me

I managed to not take a nap today. Probably because hubby pushed me in my wheelchair at the Country Living Fair. That's just one of the many venues and happenings that I'd be unable to attend if I didn't have that chair. Because he so graciously took me to whatever booth held interesting treasures, I had enough energy to work alongside him weeding in the flower garden, when we got home.

I was even able to walk for a short distance while we shared a chocolate covered cheesecake on a stick. That's a favorite dessert for us, but it wouldn't have tasted quite as good if we hadn't been sharing.

It was my near undoing after the Art Walk in the Short North area of Columbus, OH, three years ago that caused us to buy the chair. Michael and I had looked forward to making the rounds of all the neat little trinket shops and artsy-fartsy, as well as, fine art stores that make up the area for a couple of months. We'd walked one and a half blocks when my right hip locked up. Our evening was ruined because I couldn't walk another step, and I was plunged into the depths of despair and despondency.

A short time later, we bought a used chair from a home medical store for $150. From then on, it has either been in the trunk of my car, or transferred to whatever vehicle I'd be riding in, for use as needed.

I don't use it, or need it, all the time. Most of the time, I push it rather than sit in it while being pushed. Until recently when my right shoulder and arm started into their run down the pain road to hell, I could maneuver myself just about anyplace I wanted to go.

Last week, I drove to the grocery store three times before a motorized cart was available. The first two times, there was no choice but to go back home. It was disheartening because I knew there would be no way I could maneuver my chair around the store while pulling a shopping cart behind me.

It's frustrating at times. Sometimes, like last week, I go home and cry. For someone who has always been so independent, this is unbearable. The only thing that keeps me going at times like this is that I know there are others so much worse off than I.

When you're fighting a disease that causes chronic fatigue, like Fibromyalgia, and also have an auto-immune disease, like osteoarthritis, it's best to celebrate the little victories.

Today, I felt victorious.